The Only Yellow Leaf

Sometimes you just feel like you are the only yellow leaf on the tree.

That you are the only one feeling the temperature changing, feeling the warmth of the sun declining, feeling the dawning of a new season.
That you are the only one waving hard and crying out, "Do you see me?", trying to stay put, to hold on in the midst of the oncoming storm as the wind pulls hard to rip you away from your branch, your home,... your life.

If only it stayed warmer...
If only the sun shone a bit longer and brighter and hotter...
If only I could hold on tighter...
If only I were stronger, more able to cope with the wind...
If only I wasn't so scared...
If only I were more graceful, more attractive, more beautiful...
If only the other leaves were changing too...
If only I wasn't the only one.

Lonely.  It is so lonely being the only one.

But what if...

What if instead of saying "If only I...", I asked, "What if God..."?
What if instead of demanding something of myself by my flesh, I asked of God by his Holy Spirit.

What if God is using me to show him as the light of the world that shines longer and brighter and hotter?
What if God is teaching me to hold on to him, to remain in him, to trust in him so that I can remain firm when the really rough weather hits?
What if God's strength really is made perfect in my weakness and my dependance on him is true?
What if God has good things for me in this new season?
What if I miss out on those blessings because I can't handle the chill in the air?
What if God wants me to wave hard enough, long enough, wildly enough so that everyone can see what a Masterpiece I am, so that I can show off the handiwork of God?
What if God is calling me to be the only one, to lead by example a life that is grafted into the Vine?
What is God is using my willingness to be used to pull others along, to encourage others in their walk with the Creator?  Eventually the whole tree will change colour...it's just a matter of time.

What if I truly believe all of God's promises, believe all he claims to do and be, believe all his plans for me are purposeful and fruitful?

Then I will live a life full of promise; a life full of potential; a life eager for the next season to begin.

"See that what you have heard from the beginning remains in you.
If it does, you also will remain in the Son and in the Father.
And this is what he promised us - even eternal life."
1 John 2:24-25

I am that Pastor's Wife

Yes, I am that Pastor's wife who...

...has people over and doesn't shower first.  Not a big deal except that I had also been running that day.

...goes to help the new guy and his family move in, realizing half way there that I (again!) hadn't showered.

...forgets that this lovely lady I am speaking to had lost her beloved husband.  Insert foot in mouth here.

...leaves her garbage in the kitchen bin too long.

...doesn't (ever??) fold her laundry when it comes out of the dryer.

...forgets to clean the bathroom before people come over (well...sometimes).

...serves people cold food that seems disappointingly undercooked.

...eats too many potato chips, especially when there is dip involved.

...procrastinates emptying the dishwasher until the back log of dirty dishes takes over.

...can't play the piano well enough for church.

...fights jealousy and comparisons with other women.

...still isn't recognized by many people in her church.

...struggles to find her place in ministry.

...misses the deep friendships she once had and dreads the "work" of making new ones.

...just wants her kids to be happy.


BUT, I am also that Pastor's wife who...

...is learning to love the person in the mirror, even when she doesn't shower.

...is praying that being genuine in who I am is honouring God for who he has made me to be.

...sees her home as a gift and blessing from God and desires to have it used for his glory, even with (especially with??!) it's unclean bathrooms, unfolded laundry, smelly garbage, and unwashed floors.

...loves to cook for people, even though I'm not great at it.

...actually really likes to play the piano and worship strictly within the walls of my home.

...hopes and prays that I have allowed God to be so present in me, that He flows out of me naturally.

...desires to use the gifts and talents he has given me with humility, confidence and grace.

...is thankful for my children who empty my dishwasher and clean my toilets.

...is really OK with the fact that some people don't recognize me because it means that I am not on a pedestal, that I am just another mom, another wife, another woman in the congregation.

...is excited about the future, about serving God together with my husband and with this group of lovely, godly women who I know will teach me and stretch me and encourage me on the journey.

...knows that the benefits of loving and losing far outweigh the feelings of loneliness and self-pity.

...knows that loving and living with my children is the greatest gift and ministry that I have been given.

...trusts that God's timing is perfect
                              that his love is unconditional
                                     that his grace is sufficient
                                            that his mercies are new every morning.

Yes, thanks be to God, I AM that Pastor's wife.

Burn Bright

I had the privilege of speaking at a Vision Ministries Ministry Wives Brunch in Maine last May. I thought I would share just a little bit of the encouragement I gave them with you, my ministry girlfriends.  Here are some snippets of what I shared with them.

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It is my firm belief that each of us here were created for a purpose.  God has a purpose for you in who you are, where you are, and why you are there.  I don’t believe he randomly placed you, I believe he purposely placed you.  And in believing that he purposely placed you, I also believe that he divinely gifted you, and in divinely gifting you, he has uniquely called you.  Called you for his purpose, called you to be who you were born to be, called you to burn bright for him in that place.  You might not have chosen to be a ministry wife, yet you are.  Because you answered the call on your life, that call that God has for you to be all that he created you to be.

You were made to shine

you were made for life

even if you’ve lost your way

turn and you will hear Love say

you were made for more, so much more

child of everlasting light

made to blaze away the night

so baby, burn bright

burn bright

(Natalie Grant, Burn Bright)

I know that we have all come from many different backgrounds, from many different churches, from many different families and lives, but if you are here today, then at least the one thing we have in common is our role, or job, as a pastor’s wife.  We have all, by choice or by circumstance, married a pastor, a man who has committed to serving God for his life and work.  You may have entered this role willingly or you may have come reluctantly, perhaps even stomping your feet, waving your fists at God saying, “This wasn’t what I signed up for when I said, ‘I do!’ If I had only known!”.  However you got here, I want to say to you, “Welcome, and well done.”  Although I will not pretend that this role is an easy one to be in, I do believe that it is a wonderful role, a fantastic role even, and one that if we let it, can reap bountiful blessings upon us and our families.  Being a pastor’s wife can be such a privilege, and I don’t mean that in a “we get to know what goes on at the elder’s meeting” kind of way. But I mean that God has allowed us to be in the sacrificial place, that place that stretches us, that teaches us, that place that makes us more like him.  He has given you and me a front row seat to seeing some of his greatest miracles in the lives of ordinary people, he has us walking through the deepest of grief with the loneliest of people, and he allows us to rejoice on the mountaintops with some of the happiest of people.  He has put us in a place of trust, of leadership, and of obedience.

Think about where Esther is at at this moment…how willing would she have been to be a part of this deal to enter the king’s harem?  She had lost her parents, her cousin was raising her and obviously loved her by the accounts of his devotion to her, the only reason the king was looking for a new queen was because he got mad at the old one when she wouldn’t show off her beauty before him and his drunk friends! The thought of entering the King’s harem must have been overwhelming in itself...I can’t imagine that it was a very edifying place to be. And, although Esther didn’t tell anyone…she was a Jew.

There were many reasons for her to be very reluctant to join the king’s harem. On one hand living at the palace, receiving beauty treatments, hanging out with all the other young women of the city, eating wonderful food…kind of sounds like a fun party! But on the other hand, it might have been scary, it might have been intimidating, it might been lonely - sound a little like ministry?

So from the outset, it might seem fun, maybe even adventure…for a little while.  but after while, I imagine that they would all have grown tired of each other, of the competition that existed, the vanity and selfishness of beauty, of the loneliness.

When I look at this part of the story, I see Esther choosing to be obedient. So often we fight what God has for us; we are reluctant to join in the plan because we can’t see what is beyond, what the next thing is that God has for us. Esther appears to go willingly and with courage even though she had no way of knowing what it was God was going to be asking her to do; she had no idea of what was to happen and that God was going to use her and her courageous spirit in a miraculous way to save her people. But we don’t know either and we need to have the same courage that Esther had to go and do as we are commanded to do. Her faithful obedience is a beautiful example to us of the potential of the fulfillment of the promises of God

Like Esther we often need to have faithful courage to follow God’s call of obedience.  We need to walk in obedience even when it doesn't make sense.  We need to keep trusting in God, to keep receiving from God, to keep pointing others to God. “Be rooted and built up in Christ”.

Mary was obedient when she didn’t know the other side either.  May it be to me as you have said.  Wow.  Faithful courage. Willing obedience.  And nations are saved.  You might not feel like you are saving nations, but you are saving hearts one by one.  You are building into them with truth and love and modelling for them what faithful courage looks like.  

Being in ministry, serving a God of grace and compassion, requires a life of courage and obedience.  Often life doesn’t make sense and we go through things either personally or in ministry that make us question God’s purpose and plan.  Things can get hard and difficult, people can try to blow out that flame that is inside of you, but don’t let them.  Walk each step with God. Fan that flame. I want to encourage you today to take those courageous steps of obedience even when you can’t see the other side.  Keep that flame burning inside you so that others may see it and know how side, how deep and how high is the love of Christ.  Take the next step of courageous obedience and enjoy the adventure!  Remember that you are never alone on this journey.  Your Emmanuel is there with you - in the every day.  “Seek first his kingdom and all these things will be given to you”.

I encourage you to step forward with faithful courage and obedience to God to accomplish whatever task he has placed in front of you. Even if it doesn't make sense, even if you can't see the other side.  That is often when God is doing his greatest work - when we can't see what is going on (that way we can't wreck it!). But we can certainly be blessed by his work in our lives when we have followed him in obedience.

Transition of Obedience

Since "moving" is fresh on many of our hearts...
I wrote this, mostly to process my own thoughts. Maybe it will help someone else too.

Transition of Obedience: Pressing On

   “Hey Hon, take a look at this email,” my husband said as he turned his laptop to me.  “Do you think I should check it out?”  As I skimmed the contents of the email, I read about a church in a town just north of our city that was looking for a new Lead Pastor, someone who could come and guide them through the next piece of their journey.  I had heard about this church although had no personal experience or connections to it.  From what I knew, it was a large, growing, vibrant church that sought new and bold ways to do ministry.  But wait, aren’t we currently in a church that is vibrant and growing, boldly loving to do ministry together?  Why consider moving from a church and community we love and who love us?  Move from a church that has loved us and shaped us every bit as much as, if not more than, we have them?  It didn’t seem to make sense…from the outside.  However, my response to my husband’s question was something like, “Sure.  It wouldn’t hurt to find out a bit more.”

   And that was that.  God started us on a journey that would impact hundreds of lives, including those of our four children, our many friends and our family.  Relationships that have been deeply rooted over the 18 years we lived and did ministry in the city were to be tested and torn.

Leaving what we Love

   So why leave a church, a community, a city that we love?  Why uproot all we have known in life to embark on a new journey that to many seemed like bad timing, bad thinking or maybe just plain bad?  We leave what we love because we obey the call of God.  Being in ministry means devoting our life to the work of God; we know that not everything makes sense to the average person looking in from the outside, and sometimes it doesn’t even make sense to us.  This decision to leave one church and head to another was not a choice between two really “good” churches, it was a choice to be obedient to God.  Obedience is not always easy, but it is always right.  Obedience is not always fun, but it is always foundational.  Making a tough decision to transition your life, family, and ministry to another place has to be a choice of obedience, and the belief that it will produce perseverance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3-5).  The great news is that the Bible promises us that “hope does not disappoint us”!  So in hope, we press on.

   Transitioning is also a decision made out of purposeful reflection on our spiritual gifts, both individually and as a family.  After having been in one place for 18 years, both my husband and I were feeling stagnant in our spiritual walk and usefulness.  Not that anything was bad; we walked closely with God and with our partners in ministry and could have continued on there being very happy for many years to come.  There were many fantastic things about where we were living and raising our family.  

   The question that really drove this transition process for me was this: were we being all we were called and created to be?  Was there more for us out there?  New experiences and challenges that we actually would not be able to accomplish by staying put?  There were many realistic and logical variables to consider: my job was in the city, our kids were committed to sports teams, we would be pulling our teenagers from an excellent high school, my husband had gone through a significant health crisis and was still being monitored so moving might impact his care, and the reality check of whether or not he was healthy enough to make the transition and continue on long term.  God took care of each of these concerns in miraculous ways, clearing the path for our transition.  There had  to be more for us out there, God was making that abundantly obvious.  He had so much more for us. It wasn’t going to be easy, but it was going to be adventurous. It was going to be a step of faith for our whole family.

What about the kids?

   The thought of transitioning our children was the hardest part of this decision.  Our older boys were part of a fantastic high school and had made wonderful friends; they were settled and enjoying life as teenagers do.  Our third born had just begun the first of his years at Middle School and would be leaving the sense of freedom and independence that came with finally being in sixth grade.  Our youngest son loved life and school and church; he didn’t have a care in the world most days!  

   So why pull them from a life they love, a church they love, and friends they love?  As parents, this was really tough.  We endeavoured from the beginning to include them in the process.  We did not want them to feel as if my husband and I had made a decision that was forced upon them.  We talked openly about moving; we acknowledged it was a difficult thing and we were very upfront that it was not going to be easy for any of us.  Our policy was to be open and honest with each other.  We encouraged our boys to be honest with how they were feeling, and we in turn were honest with them.  We thought is was important to model Godly decision making for them.  We included them in our doubts, our fears, our excitement, and our prayers.  We shared with them our concerns but also our commitment to following Christ in obedience.  For most of the transition journey our boys were “willing to”, but not necessarily “wanting to” move.  In their heads they understood that there is a bigger picture being painted, and that God has our family as part of that.  However, in their hearts, it was more difficult to comprehend.  

   Leaving hurts.  Plain and simple: it hurts and it is hard. 

   One day while in the process of making this decision, I was wrestling with God about pulling my children from our community. “What about the kids? How can we take our kids away from the only life they have known?” God clearly returned me to a place where I had had to trust Him with my children a few years ago.  I had been quite sick and facing death in the hospital, scared beyond belief about leaving my children and God asked me then, “Do you trust me?”. I knew then that I HAD to trust Him; I had no other option.  But I also knew that I wanted to trust Him, and that I could trust Him.  And so He reminded me again that He loved my children much more than I did, and that He had a plan and a purpose for them.  This decision of transitioning was not just about my husband’s job, it was not just about us as adults and parents trying our best to follow God and where He would place us.  

   No, it was about all of us, our whole family.  God has a purpose for each one of us.

   “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jer 29:11)

Finding New Community

   So now we live our lives in our new community, seeking to find and understand what God’s purposes are for us as a family, and for each one of us individually.  My children still wrestle  with the hurt and the change, but we assure them that God is bigger than their questions.  They are learning so much about who God is and what it means to live for Him in a new and different setting.  They are learning to bring their big questions to Him, that it is OK to ask God those questions, and that He isn’t offended when we feel He doesn’t make sense. They are learning things about God that I’m not sure they would have learned if they had not experienced the transition of obedience.  There is safety and security in staying, in remaining with the known and loved. But there is great opportunity for renewed faith, trust and hope in following God in obedience.  And “hope does not disappoint us”. 

   So in obedience and hope, we press on toward the goal.  

Masterpiece

Good Monday Morning :)

I trust that each of you were touched yesterday with the reminder that you are a Masterpiece  What a powerful and poignant reminder of who we are in Christ, and of how Christ sees his children and his church.  It is a privilege to be serving together, playing our unique part in that creation.

My encouragement for you today, and throughout this week, is to look into that mirror.  Look into the mirror.  Now…stare a little longer. Getting a little uncomfortable? I know I am!!  But ask yourself who you really see there? What are her gifts, talents, treasures? What makes that woman tick? What ticks that woman off? What are the good things about that woman?  What are the things that God is working on?  Spend some time with God listening to what he says to your heart. Take the good along with the challenge.  Find rest in Him. 

Since we all don’t have the benefit of a friend sitting beside us with our mirror to remind us of how God sees us, I am going to ask each of you to do something.  I want you to think and pray about one of the ladies here in our group. Then I want you to somehow let that person know how God sees them, what he thinks about them.  I know we don’t know each other very well, but speaking God truth into each others hearts and lives is a great place to start. Let God guide you because he knows each of us intimately and will therefore give you the right words to say that your chosen person needs to hear.  I am not going to tell you who to pick, I am going to let God guide that process.  If you choose more than one person, that is fine. Lean and trust on God for this.  It doesn’t have to be long…maybe a couple words or phrases, a scripture verse, a prayer.  And it can be private; the rest of us don’t need to know.  One thing I will ask is that when you hear from someone, send me a quick email to let me know.  I don’t need to know who it was from or what they said (unless you’d like to share that); a simple…’I heard how I was a Masterpiece today” or something along those lines will do :)

Ephesians 2:10
"For we are God's masterpiece.  he has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned of us long ago."

How are you His Masterpiece today?

Check out the sermon links www.thisiscompass.com if you missed it yesterday!

Uniquely Called, Uniquely Blessed

This is an article that I wrote for Just Between Us magazine a few years ago. It is the basis for this website because I truly believe that all ministry wives have a unique calling put on their lives by God.  But it is because of this unique calling that we also receive a unique blessing which allows us a front row seat to some of God's greatest miracles here on Earth. You can find this article, and many other enriching ones at: www.justbetweenus.org

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“So, you’re the pastor’s wife?” The questions seemed rather pointed as I picked up my toddler from the church nursery that Sunday morning. I looked up quickly to see from whom the question was coming, and, as I did, I heard my girlfriend who was standing beside me give a little snicker under her breath. 

That question still surprises me. It frequently catches me off guard, even though I have been a pastor’s wife for more than a decade, and at the same church for the majority of those years. On this particular Sunday, the question was coming from a relatively newcomer to our church. I had met this woman and talked with her for a few Sundays prior to this one. We had waited together at the nursery door. I gave a quick glance at my girlfriend, and with a little laugh and a smile on my face, I said, “Well, yes, I am, but I don’t usually wear the label.” Her response to me? “Well, maybe you should.”

I have thought much about this exchange and have wondered how to take it. I generally have thought of the “position” of being a pastor’s wife as a positive one. However, there has definitely been moments, even days, when I would have willingly traded it all for something else – anything else. Along my journey to fulfill what I believe to be my calling in life, as a ministry wife, I have learned (and am continuing to learn!) to take the bad with the good, the criticism with the praise, the failures with the successes. Although I know that every woman’s experience is different in her own roles and responsibilities, I do believe that if you are a ministry wife, then God has called you and placed that purpose upon your life for a reason. You can beg and petition to be taken out of that responsibility, but until God’s purposes are accomplished for your life and for His good, you need to accept and excel in your individual place of ministry.

A Unique Calling

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew that God was calling me into the ministry of the church. I knew that I wanted to marry a pastor and raise my family immersed in the workings of God. Having grown up as a PK, this was somewhat surprising for some people! Yet, I knew that God had gifted me in certain areas, and had placed specific passions on my heart that would allow me to serve Him in ministry alongside the husband that He had chosen for me. So when I went to Bible College and started to date Andrew, who also happened to be the youth pastor working with my dad. My future was sealed. We were married just after Andrew graduated from seminary, and we have enjoyed working and serving together ever since.

Whether you have felt the same call on your life or whether you just “happened” to fall in love and marry a man who wanted to be in ministry, God has placed you in your unique situation for a unique purpose. When things are rough, it’s difficult to see that; we often find ourselves questioning God’s purposes and plans for our lives, our husbands’ lives, and our ministry. Psalm 139 verses 2-3 & 16 have been a great encouragement for me as I live out the call to serve alongside my husband in ministry, “You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways…All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

It doesn’t matter if you felt this call of God from an early age. God knew you would be the wife your husband needs. He knew before you were born that your days were ordained to be sacrificed, shared, opened, praised, shredded, filtered, molded, broken, lifted, sifted, and blessed. You might dread living in the “fishbowl” of the pastor’s family. You might cringe at being referred to by your husband’s position and not your “real” name. You may feel the depth of loneliness at having a lack of close friendships within your congregation. You might feel the pain of hearing trusted people tear apart your husband and the work he is trying so hard to accomplish. You might feel the burden of raising your children under the critical eyes of so many onlookers. The intensity of those emotions is very real. The depth of those struggles is overwhelming.  But the blessing of those situations is very humbling – if we allow God to work in us and through us.

A Unique Blessing

For many ministry wives the blessings of the role seem few and far between. Maybe just being able to sleep at night and put food on the table seem like the only blessings to be found. However, I believe that for all the sacrifices you make for your family, for the church, and ultimately for your Heavenly Father, He will bless you over and over again. You may not see it at first, you may have to look really hard for it, but those blessings will come. They will be there in your life in many little ways.

One of the greatest blessings I have found in ministry has been the privilege of seeing God at work firsthand. As ministry wives, we have the privilege of witnessing the hand of God move in peoples’ lives and in their hearts in ways that the average person in our churches may not. I feel honoured and blessed to release my husband to go and do work that God has called him to do. I know there are people out there who will abuse the availability of the pastor, but for the most part, it has been a blessing for me to watch God use my husband in so many special, unique, and even miraculous ways.

Being witness to the miraculous encourages us to pray differently, too. Every time my husband goes out the door to a ministry situation, I am praying for him as well as for the others involved. Whether I am praying for protection, wisdom, discernment, truth, or just that my husband will come home soon, I have petitioned my Heavenly Father and interceded to the Holy Spirit for His work to be accomplished. This in itself is a blessing beyond compare.

The blessings also exist for my family. Although other ministry families may not, my husband and I have chosen to weave our family life into the life of the church. My children get to know people they might not otherwise know ? good, godly, and wise people that can speak truth into their young lives. They are witnesses to both the good and the bad, and learn that life doesn’t come so easily to some people. Yet, they also learn that God loves each and every person, and that when we serve others we are ultimately serving Him.

Let’s face it; there are precious few of us ministry wives compared to the number of women out there! God could have called any of them ? but He called you. He has empowered you, gifted you, supported you, and loved you through His Holy Spirit. And when you truly do your service unto the Lord, the blessings in return are indescribable and incomprehensible – the evidence of a gracious and generous God.

Try this Gratitude Exercise!

Think about the things you have to be thankful for as a woman in ministry. Write out a list of those things, spend some time meditating on what God has done through you and your ministry this past year, and spend some moments thanking God for the unique calling and blessings He has given to you.